A Collection of Thoughts

Are we making progress?

At this time of year, I often feel a sense of being overwhelmed: the new academic year begins in the Senior School with two days of conferences, and the Year 12 March Out Assembly and Marching take place. There is a great deal to get organised in what seems like a short space of time. In Middle and Junior Schools, we begin to gear up for the final term which involves reports and the transition programmes, which occur as boys prepare to move up a year and from one part of the school to another. I realise – yet again – that the year is three-quarters over, and I despair that I have not been able to achieve as much as I had hoped.

The joy that accompanies the return of all staff and students helps to alleviate the sense of overwhelm and failure; when the school comes alive again, it all seems to make more sense. Their presence – being present with them – gives all of us the opportunity to help guide them but also to learn from them.

My view is that there are four things that schools and homes should be doing for young people:

Developing in them some understanding of the importance of looking after their minds and their bodies
Instilling in them an appreciation of the essential nature of looking out for others and doing things for others
Fostering curiosity about the world around them and a willingness to question, respectfully
Demonstrating the importance of a sound work ethic and the central role of displaying courage

A Society in Flux?

I feel as though we are in a transitional phase in this society and it will be interesting to watch how it goes. Currently, we are at a stage where more and more people are saying how important wellbeing is, and yet they are clinging to the old ways of doing and seeing. Our underlying thinking does not yet seem to have shifted: there is still a desire to see our boys as being successful (usually defined in monetary terms), rather than valuable, to paraphrase Einstein. We still think in terms of titles and trophies and ATARs and rankings, rather than character and kindness and humility and courage. Although I think we are moving in the right direction, I am still not sure if the effect of COVID-19 will be to speed up this process of change or slow it down. Many people considered that it would be an opportunity for us to stop and look at what we do (and why we do it) and reset things, but that reset does not seem to have been as significant as we had hoped it would be. If we remain conscious of it, we can continue to work towards this happening.

Numbers continue to dominate our lives. They are very beautiful and have enabled us to achieve incredible things. But they also pose a danger. There is a saying in wellbeing: If you treasure it, you will measure it. And yet, the very things most people profess to value above all things – love, honesty, kindness, trust – are almost beyond measurement and, in trying to measure them, we lose something. When we turn things into simple numbers, we should take care to recognise the limits on this. As a History teacher, I have a deep resentment to the notion of turning people into numbers.

I've just started dipping into Maggie Dent's new book, From Boys to Men. Early on, she writes that wisdom – true wisdom – cannot be measured by grades or assessments. Later in the book, she writes that every child is born with their own unique gifts and challenges. It is such a simple yet powerful thing to keep in mind. Helping young people to recognise their gifts and develop them, and giving them the confidence to tackle and overcome those challenges is our primary goal. Each of us should be signposts and lighthouses for them. Dent incisively observes that a lot of boys are worried about wasting their lives; it is a fear that is hard for them to verbalise. Having honest, open, respectful and regular conversations with them (when you are next to them, rather than across the table from them) is the best way to deal with this and many other issues. Another point I was very glad to read was her encouragement of activities that are meditative by their nature. Stillness and quiet are often the missing ingredients in good decision-making, for us as much as for our boys!

Transitions in School

Transitions are often marked by celebration. There is joy and sadness, and looking forward and reminiscing, and there is movement and noise. But effective transitions also require stillness and some quiet, or at least being removed from our normal environment for a short while. Gratitude can flow into this space, and we can also resolve to make the most of what lies ahead. Sometimes in our efforts to prepare boys for the next phase of their lives, I think we take a little too much of the risk and excitement out of it. It is nice to know what is coming so that we can prepare for it, but life is not always like that. We are tested when the unexpected happens; we face our fears when we begin a new undertaking or enter a field for the first time. I am not suggesting that we should push them out the door and say, "Off you go!" without any assistance. We should make sure they have three things:

A support toolkit (containing the skills to look after themselves and care for others)
A map (which contains a strong sense of where they have come from and a clear picture of the possible directions they might take, but not necessarily a final destination)
A compass (a set of values which will guide them)

These are not things we can give them on the morning of them undertaking their new adventure. These are things which must be developed over time, and which involve deep conversations and input from a variety of people. Sometimes, though, these will still not be enough. They will fail or get lost. As long as they know how to use their toolkit, map and compass, they will hopefully be able to find their way onto a pathway that is good for them. There is a satisfaction in owning our own progress and there is great joy in discovering for oneself; we should not rob our boys of either of these.

Year 2 and 12 Gatherings

One small way in which we try to provide Year 12s with an opportunity to reflect on how far they have come is through the Year 2 and 12 gatherings. We had the last of these for our leaving Year 12s after March Out; it was one final opportunity to see how much they have grown and to briefly put aside the new world that awaits them as they spend time with their Year 2 buddies. It gives the younger boys something to aspire to. And in a couple of weeks, we will begin again with the new Year 12s (the leaving class of 2021) and our current Year 1s.

SchoolTV

This month's online edition of this parenting webpage deals with the topic of raising boys . I found the articles at the bottom of most interest, particularly Twelve Tips for Parenting Boys and Communicating with Teenage Boys . There is also a Maggie Dent article, on Understanding, Nurturing and Connecting , which is worth a read.