Competition and its Challenges

I often get asked about the level of competition in the Junior School and what impact it has on students who aren't as capable as some of their peers. It draws me back to my own journey and what messages were passed on to me through all of the wins and losses that occurred throughout my life. Those who guided me along my journey were my biggest influencers and still are, these being my parents. They have guided me through other life challenges like acceptance, rejection, failure and seeking approval, just to mention a few. All of these experiences have shaped who I am today and will continue to evolve as life progresses.

What does this mean for parents, who at times, are faced with difficult conversations with their children about not winning? How does a parent respond to a disappointed child who is upset at losing or a child who lost and is determined to make the winner feel uneasy with comments like "I let you win" or "I didn't try my hardest". I don't have the answers to these questions but what I can say is that competition is present in schools and in life generally. Competition is found in the playground, the classroom, on the sports field, the academic arena, in job selection and in battling an illness, to name a few examples of competition. Competition is a part of life and how we manage the related emotions is beneficial to our life skills.

The challenge to parents is how to guide their children through the maze. How do you support a child that has always excelled and when they have their first loss are unable to cope? How do you support a child that will never win throughout their schooling journey but with guidance they will find their niche eventually? How do you instil in your child that participation is key and without winners and losers, there is no competition? There are so many questions that are faced by parents in their task of raising well-rounded and resilient children.

One thing I can share is that acknowledging your feelings whilst experiencing winning or losing can be a helpful tool. Being disappointed because you haven't won is understandable, being excited because you did win is acceptable. Winning as a team is a different feeling to winning something as an individual. Playing games with your children and making sure they lose occasionally is a very simple way to start this journey. There are excellent resources and reference points out there that can be accessed by parents. There are many experts in this field that we can draw on and one great example is Maggie Dent. On the radio the other day, she mentioned that when 'pass the parcel' became an 'everyone wins' event, we lost a rich learning tool for our children in the lesson of losing.

Winter Term in the Junior School is particularly competitive. The Athletics Carnival is a big event which raises a myriad of emotions and questions for children. Ribbon receiving, race after race results, the joy of winning or the disappointment of having to stand at the end of the line are all ever-present emotions for the children to absorb and understand. Trying to bring to the surface the enjoyment of being outside in the glorious weather, for not being in the classroom and writing for the day, being able to cheer on your friends and classmates who are having a go and for snacking whenever the chance arises are all part of the experience of the carnival and they mustn't be lost in the moment.

Also at this time of the year, we have the academic competition with International Competitions and Assessments for Schools (ICAS). The results of which will be shared in Assembly, where we will acknowledge any outstanding performance by a student. Other competitions and events such as Challengeopolis, Philosothon and Tournament of the Minds are all examples where students are selected to compete in these academic challenges.

As parents, I would like to encourage you to continue to talk to your children and discuss the concepts of fair play, the enjoyment of participating, missing out, losing, winning and not being selected. It may seem hard at times for both parent and child but it will place your child in a much better position for some of life's challenges that will present to them in their adulthood.

 

 

Miss Penny Hooper
Acting Head of Junior School