Manners Makyth Man

A few years ago, I spent some time in the UK, teaching at a school called Winchester College. It is an amazing place; a beautiful campus and the oldest continuously operating school in the world, begun in 1394 by the Bishop of Winchester in order to prepare boys to attend Oxford University. It has its own odd language which sits comfortably alongside a long tradition of academic excellence and a deep appreciation of the significance of an holistic education.   

The school's motto, which has remained unchanged for centuries, is "Manners Makyth Man". When I spoke with the Year 10s about this during the conferences at the start of the term, a number of them recognised it from the movie, The Kingsmen, showing that even pop culture can sometimes contain a reference to things far deeper and more ancient than those watching may realise. And whilst the language of the motto may sound old-fashioned to us, at the time it was radically progressive because it was written not in Latin but in a dynamic, up-and-coming language: English.

I love this motto, for a number of reasons. It has stood the test of time, proving to be as important today as it was when it was first used. I like it because it is basically saying that the true measure of a person's worth is the way they treat others, that someone should be judged not for their wealth or status or the title they may have inherited, but for the way they behave; for their personal qualities and achievements. This is such an important reminder for us in this age when fame without substance appears to be something worth aspiring to achieve. 

You Become What You are Led to Believe You Can Be

One of the things I found strange when I arrived at Win Coll was the fact that they call every student who attends the school a 'man of the college'. Even the smallest of Year 7s, when they first arrive, are addressed in this way. But what I realised while I was there was that this was something the school expected all its students to aspire to being: a good man. It was an acknowledgement that, whilst they would not always live up to that phrase, each student knew what it meant and knew that they should aspire to live by that moniker as often as they possibly could. If we set high standards for our young people, and we communicate those expectations to them clearly and regularly, then there is a far greater chance that they will succeed in meeting that standard and that it will become embedded within their character.  

Becoming a Gentleman

I have written before about the term 'gentleman', and the importance of using aspirational language with our students. It is a term I try to use regularly with students of all ages, partly because it is an incitement to behave in a particular way. It is a term that does not get used so much anymore. It has two connotations – the first is to do with chivalry and knightly behaviour. Resorting to violence was the last thing that a knight would do; having to fight was an admission that he had failed as a gentleman. This, in itself, is worth remembering. The second is its embodiment of being gentle: gentleness is not a term we associate with being a man these days, unfortunately. We are working against the idea that men must be physically strong; emotionally isolated. And yet, men who are gentle are the strongest men of all, to be able to resist the stereotype. To be so comfortable with who you are that you can afford to be kind and gentle, well that is what I wish for all of our students. 

Lasting Impressions

I also spoke to the Year 10s about how last impressions last; how people may forget what you say to them and even what you do for them, but they are most unlikely to forget how you made them feel. This is an exhortation to kindness; to make the most of every opportunity to do good in the world, to assist those around us. I also spoke about the concept of legacy – by the time they leave this school, for what do they want to be known? How will they be remembered? What contribution will they have made? How will people feel about them? These are questions we should all ask ourselves on a regular basis, and there is no harm in reminding the young people around us that they are building their legacy every day.

The Manners Card

From time to time, in my presentations to different year groups, I hand out a Manners Card. This is a simple, yet concrete reminder of how easy it is to display good manners. The hope is that such niceties as 'please' and 'thank you' become habits and, in so doing, we may build a more considerate, compassionate and kind society. Each society, each school, each family will have its own code of honour; behaviours and attitudes which are not negotiable and which apply across the board – in both the real and virtual worlds; with people of different ages and from diverse backgrounds. At the heart of it, lies the concept of respect – one of the pillars of Wellbeing at Scotch. 

The Challenge of Bad Manners

Whilst we may find it easy to display good manners with those we know and like, and with whom we have much in common, the challenge remains as to how we should behave in the face of bad manners. We have a choice – do we stay true to what we believe to be properly respectful behaviour, even when it appears that the other person is not deserving of respect? This is not a full statement of the situation – it is actually more a case of whether or not we let ourselves down. It is easy to be polite and friendly when someone is respectful to us. When we see or hear bad manners, we should call it out for what it is; we should stand up for what we know to be the right way to act, and protect those who are unable to protect themselves. It is our role as teachers and parents to constantly role model the behaviour and language we wish to see and hear from younger people. What we should strive to do is to ensure that young people have a moral compass as well as the courage to use it. In the end, good manners are as much a matter of self-respect as they are about having respect for others.