Shine your shoes

There are many wonderful scenes in the movie, Shawshank Redemption. The scene where Andy Dufresne, the central character, locks himself in the office and plays a recording of an aria from 'The Marriage of Figaro' over the prison's PA system; the scene where Andy organises for him and a few mates to tar the prison roof and, at the end of the job, to have a couple of drinks on the roof as the sun sets. These are scenes about the incalculable value of freedom and the unappreciated importance of being in control of our lives to some degree.

Perhaps my favourite scene is the one where it is the night before Andy is about to escape. As he finishes up his day's work – cooking the books for the corrupt governor of the prison – he is also told to polish the governor's shoes. As he finishes, Andy swaps his old prison shoes for the governor's. As he walks back to his cell, nobody notices that Andy has swapped shoes. As the narrator, Red, comments:

"I mean, seriously, how often do you really look at a man's shoes?"

Andy Dufresne has spent many, many years locked up in prison, but he still has the self-respect to want to wear polished shoes on his escape that night. We should not judge people by their possessions or by the clothes they wear. But I think we make a statement about ourselves and how we see ourselves by the way we present ourselves. Taking time to polish one's shoes says something about the person inside.

I have learned many things from my parents, two of which are pertinent here. From my mother, I have learned the importance of buying quality products, things that will last. From my father, I have learned the value of taking good care of things. He taught me to polish my shoes when I was at school. "They look better and last longer," he would say. And he's right.

I think teaching our boys to look after things is a critical responsibility – from our planet to our country to our community to their possessions. And the quest to look after things better starts with looking after the little things – it starts with getting him to polish his shoes. It is a sign of self-respect: that he takes enough pride in his appearance to spend a few minutes polishing his shoes. It shows respect for his parents, that he is willing to take good care of the things they provide for him; and it shows respect for the school as an institution, that he is willing to present himself in as positive a light as possible.

It is also a sign that we are in control of something, at the very least. Like making our bed in the morning; even if everything else goes wrong in our day, we have that. We decide whether our shoes are clean or dirty, whether we do that consciously or subconsciously. And that says something about us.

The act of polishing one's shoes is an act of self-discipline. Little things like this teach a young man that there are many tasks in life that we might not be terribly keen to perform, but there is still a point to doing them. They teach him that good preparation and attention to detail have their benefits. It gives him just a little more responsibility. This might, in time, extend to teaching him how to wash and iron his shirt, cook a couple of simple meals, and perform jobs around the house. These are unlikely to be tasks he really wants to do, or that he will enjoy. But they are life skills. And, more than that, these types of tasks are teaching him one of the most important lessons in life: it's not just about having fun.

My final observation regarding self-discipline and respect and where they may be found is in you encouraging, persuading, cajoling or insisting that your son does things on a regular basis that challenge him. This is a topic I have written about before. Playing cricket or doing rowing; learning a musical instrument or taking part in a production; creating art or undertaking the Bibbulmun Track. These are long, slow activities. They require patience and concentration. They require practice and time. They require a focus not just on the game or the finished product, but on the preparation. They are drenched in disappointment – how many wrong notes do we play? How many times do we get out in the nets, or in a game? How many misspoken lines or missteps are there along the path? But the person he becomes, as a result, is what makes the activity worthwhile. Overcoming difficulty and getting better are things we must learn to do if we are to make a real difference in the world.

Don't let your son give such things up too early. And please teach him to shine his shoes.